#because i want to go all out for tour
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gonna have to deal with people missing the point of louis singing 1d songs in festivals... don't get me started on the other covers
#festivals is for exposure#once again: festival is for exposure!!!!#for the people that know him only from the band its like oh its him? let me check him out#for the indie ppl that he wants to appeal to its like: oh isnt this from [band]? let me check this dude's redemption of it#why must it be said every time!!!!!#same thing can be said even for tour#have we not seen the clip go viral on the first time he said 505?#and people will be buying tickets to hear a 1d song live out of nostalgia even if they dont know much of louis' own stuff#and come out of there thinking hm i actually enjoyed his as well#thats the way it goes#it doesnt say anything about his solo abilities and he's not selling himself short#there will always be people that are there not fully entirely for all of his songs either#it happens to mainstream artists and their big hits#the way this fandom want to complain about everythinggggggg#edit: sorry this isnt direct shade#i just have to see it multiple times everywhere because i update dailytomlinson 💀#last one add because AJSKAK truly irates me#stop trying to make this as some hard task for him that he's only doing it because he's not as big or something#i promise you he doesnt need you fuming over this my god#i know its mostly pettiness disguised as a real constructive opinion over how louis manages his career or whatever#but my god. arent we tired of focusing on the stupidest things? end rant
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Taylor returning over and over to the falling through the ice accident in the Bolter—everything to me
#like. just. the shock of it all#there’s something about Taylor where her experience of life is so ….. brutal#like I don’t know how else to say it but it just is. life is not easy on her it is always ready to CLOBBER her#and in a way she’s not easy on life. there’s some kind of magnets/opposite poles stuff where she’s just always drawn to the worst things#to feeling them and experiencing them and almost ??? creating them#like I don’t mean to overstate it. and I know she has a family who loves her (thank GOD)#and also she’s very practical and industrious about creating this very Instagram worthy life full of Fine Things and a Fun Time#and of course all the resources in the world at her disposal to create all the trappings of it#whether it’s a celebrity Fourth of July party or the eras tour#and she’ll do it and love it. but as all the best critics know and point out the most fascinating thing about Taylor is always the music#and it’s where all the weirdness and stubbornness and difficulties of her life. her a c t u a l longings her actual fears#her actual terrible awful experiences that she charges headlong down the paths of#is set free! and it’s breathtaking in the most shocking way#like falling through the ice! I always say the first thing that always hits me about a Taylor album is the bitterness#just this blast in the face. and her music is so gentle! in so many ways#and the packaging is so appealing and her voice is so soft and expressive and there is none of that weird experimentation#even musically (remember when she shut down imogen heap for putting a minor chord in clean she was like absolutely not. I’m obsessed)#(with that moment forever)#but like. so much of Taylor’s packaging and life and HER really does SEEM so basic or ordinary or just rich girl ordinary I guess#she likes basic things and wants basic things. but also she is so hungry so restless so angry so wounded the rich internal life is CHURNING#all the time. every second. and it’s spectacular to watch and also I will worry about her until the day I die#or just—-I don’t know. it’s going to be spectacular and it is sometimes going to be awful#but she will keep furiously writing her way through it!!#there IS such a woundedness to her. and it makes me love her so much because it’s packaged in such a way people think it must just be#whining or privilege. but it’s not! it’s just. the human condition and Taylor’s own flaws#okay I’ve lost the plot here a bit in my ramblings but yeah the ice metaphor. insanely perfect
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Had a moment today that exemplifies how my family thinks but like, in a way that’s just very sad and makes me glad I don’t think that way.
Showed a relative the amazing painting that friend did for me, and her first response was “you’d be able to sell that for some good money!!!”
Like. No????
For months I’ve discussed this creative trade with this friend, we’ve talked about what the other wants, we’ve gotten excited about it and traded progress pics as we work on it for each other, gotten stoked over making plans to get to the post office and seeing the other finally get it, and it’s just been a very wholesome and very fun project. It took six weeks for us to complete these projects, and now I have something on display in my room that makes me very happy, that’s objectively beautiful, and that I know a friend put a lot of effort into making for me and was THRILLED when I adored it.
And my family’s immediate line of thinking is “make a few quid from it lol”.
I can’t imagine the headspace it must take to go through life like that.
#I mean same relative said something similar when I met Nikki Sixx#very long story short he was my idol growing up his music got me through a lot#got to meet him on MC’s ‘final tour’ in 2015#I was 18 I was so nervous but so thrilled#he was so insanely kind to my teenage self#listened intently when I explained how his music got me through a lot#and how I was setting out to become a writer even tho my fam disapproved#he encouraged me he gave me the pick he used to play that entire gig#he liked our pic together on IG and encouraged me and was INSANELY lovely on FB when I later posted a pic of my tattoo of his autograph#(and if u kno him u kno he gets prickly on social media to folk who deserve it so like)#just went completely above and beyond to encourage me and be so so SO kind#I excitedly tell this same relative about it all#I’m on cloud 9 bc my idol encouraged me to chase my dreams#this same relative got angry at me because I didn’t ask him for tickets to their final ever show in LA#like#this man just proved the saying of never meet your heroes entirely wrong#he repeatedly went out of his way to be kind to me#when all he really had to do was smile and pose for a photo and sign my shit#and she wanted me to then ask him to fly me out to a sold out gig for free#like he would have told me to fuck off and it would’ve ruined the entire thing#bc it’s just such a glaring display of ungratefulness and I’d never be weird enough to ask anyway#and she was LIVID with me insisting ‘you don’t get it you don’t ask!!!!!’#and this was ten years ago and this exchange today just showed me nothing has changed#like how can you just cheapen the value of things like this to make a few quid or to go to a free concert#I couldn’t live that way#and she consistently alienated people from her and can never work out why#it’s honestly just very sad
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Update on my golem workouts:
I'm getting way more of a sleeper build but honestly that's my goal. You'd have no clue my thighs are built unless I flexed them which is kind of freaky lmaooo
If I could be a security guard but only at shuls, I would heavily consider it. I'd take tips/payment in pastries, but specifically anything that's lemon-flavored 🤤
#jumblr#personal thoughts tag#i'm about 40lbs/18kg away from maxing out some of the leg weight machines which is surreal#because right now i'm lifting almost twice my weight#like hashtag ACAB but unfortunately we do need to hire security due to. very obvious reasons#i also just want an excuse to give back to the jewish community while also touring shuls across the state#there aren't many shuls in my state but i want to go to them all
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@ anon there's a reason i've been trusted with information in the past and it's the same reason i cannot directly answer your messages -- but the scene being described did not exist
#anonymous#replies#it was unclear from the tweets whether they were claiming to have seen such a scene being filmed or to have seen it in a script#but it's bs either way#either the person on twitter was told a lie by the locations tour guy and believes it#or the person on twitter made it up and is clout chasing#honestly 90% of the stuff people pass around about the pre-covid finale on here is a complete fabrication to begin with#but i can't prove that without proving *how* i know and because i don't want to burn any bridges i just have to go 🤷🏻♂️#but what i can say is that there is NO WAY that this random tour guide who apparently worked occasionally as metatron's stand in#and occasionally as a background extra#had access to the full script of the series finale -- either pre or post covid#like... they aren't printing out scripts for all the people in the background at the pie festival#you know who gets scripts? people with lines#and honestly if you've only got one or two lines you're probably just getting sides#so yeah this story is just flat out nonsense
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All the tour groups in Springfield should be very proud of me for how well I refrained from sharing all my fascinating Lincoln facts.
#there were so many school groups!#a giant one came in RIGHT AFTER i entered lincoln's cabinet room#part of me was screaming 'children i NEED to tell you about all these idiots and their insane drama!'#a smarter part of me understood that would be super weird#so instead i regaled different individuals of my own traveling party after we had the room to ourselves#then at lincoln's tomb we lucked out in getting there during the ten minutes of the day when school groups weren't there#which meant we got a personal tour from a guide who seemed thrilled to have grown-ups to talk to#he and my dad chatted about fishing for a long while in the entry#it didn't feel disrespectful because it totally felt like the kind of conversation lincoln would have understood and joined in on#and then we went on our way but the guide then chased us down to share all the fascinating lincoln stories as we went along#(shout-out to lefty you were great)#and then a school group found us so we made a graceful exit#but outside a teacher was explaining to a different group about how robert was significant in his own right so he's buried at arlington#and the RESTRAINT i showed in not immediately informing them that he was present at three presidential assassinations! it was rather heroic#and then when we toured lincoln's house the guide (who accidentally made it clear he was a revolutionary war buff)#(which made it a bit hilarious he was stuck with lincoln)#asked for questions before we started and someone asked about lincoln's 1860 election campaign!#aka one of my SPECIAL NICHE AREAS OF OBSESSION!#you cannot imagine how desperately i wanted to tell him ALL ABOUT seward and thurlow weed#anyway it was fun to go back now that i actually know stuff about lincoln#but it was also a bit frustrating because now i know how much they leave out#(though there was cool new info and artifacts)#(the blood-stained piece of laura keene's dress was very morbid and very cool)#also it reminded me that i still have that book on the 1860 election i've yet to read and the hype is so real#presidential talk
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I remember wishing parts of sounds live feels live and world war joy were canceled. I feel bad for you guys, I really do, but in a way I’m also really proud, not that I know any details or circumstances or whether if I did, it’d be something to be proud for. anyway, it’s not fun to see an artist who’s obviously struggling
#not gonna comment outright on the brisbane show but I have mentioned I left it with mixed feelings#I’ve also got problems with the way the globalisation of the music industry incentivises artists to either overwork themselves or seem like#they’re racist against the global south in general. but then I’ve made friends all over the world because of it#just on a general level though. all of us at some point need to be okay with letting people down when we reach our own limits#and I think that’s what I’m most proud for because it’s easier sometimes to try and push on if you think you owe it to people#but in the end you have to play the long game. and that involves pacing yourself to do what you love for all of your working life#I did want to point out though. for someone who’s been touring almost every year for half his life now it would take a lot to break out of#the mindset to just push through keep going like he does on every tour when he inevitably gets sick for a few shows#luke hemmings#slfl#wwj#5 seconds of summer#5sos
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We all know that S3 is gonna be about the Second Coming-slash-Final Judgement blah blah blah blah blah but what i NEED is for Jesus to radiate so much little sibling energy™. I need them and Crowley to be a chaotic-sibling-bestie duo ok??? It's one of the only ways i can heal
#good omens#crowley#i need jesus to be a very chill dude (gn. they could be a little girl for we know) who pops out of the silver plane and surrounded by CIA#angel bodyguards and then they see Crowley and just fucking runs up to him to choke-bear hug hybrid him the way only little clingy sibs do#and then the angel operatives freak out#jesus: GASPS!!! HI BESTIEE🥰🥰🥰!!! how are ya doin?#crowley: what#angel mafia: !!!! AKDSKSDHASDJKL#and then crowley proceeds to kidnap him and then babysit him. they go to the barbie premier and the Eras tour and the bahamas and just went#around the world. leaving chaos in their wake. we're talking about confusion bafflement and maybe a whole ton of buffets being suddenly#replaced with fish and bread that could feed 6000 people. and then they fuck over governments without even trying and giving the poor the#queers the conspiracy theorists and all of the marginalized peeps everything they WANT#and where was aziraphale in all of this? stuck on heaven's top floor just seething that he can't go out cause the metatron locked him in.#the metatron angel-proofed the whole building just so aziraphale cannot leave. they're in lockdown and everyone is panicking. Aziraphale#the pedantic loophole-obsessed bastard that he is. was like "If they fucking angel-proofed superheaven then I'm gonna escape the good old-#fashioned human way. He then demolishes the glass with his bare fists. everyone screams and he walks out of heaven wearing#his tartan and shades because cool bamf angels don't look at the chaos they unleashed.
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this is actually the most annoying thing i've ever read in my life.
#jack white#words#announcing super last minute shows is a shitty way to go about a tour#what the hell is even the fun in that?#if it were a few shows fine but nearly all of them? fucking christ how obnoxious is that#i'm so irritated by this ugh#majority of his concert goers are adults who have lives and prior commitments and we cant just drop shit at the last minute#even worse because people have been talking how hard it is to get tickets for these shows#someone had to say it bc im definitely not the only one who thinks this is a dumb idea#this is fucking whack i said what i said#hopefully i can make it to a show if he comes to my state#but i was looking forward to maybe going to multiple shows around the country since i'll be traveling a bit these next few months#first the phones and now this shit#having to go into a “virtual queue” and all this extra shit only to have tickets potentially sell out while you're in it#way to make this as inconvenient and as difficult impossible#i just want a guaranteed ticket why is that so hard to get now#thoughts
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I'm so sad that zom 100 got screwed over by production issues. I have no idea what happened or why, but it always hurts to see a good show be dragged down by outside influences. Is it a perfect show? Of course not. Some episodes are better than others and I don't love the way they handle female characters and romances (kencho and akira have infinitely more chemistry than akira and shizuka and I will die on this hill) But it's a good show! It has so much heart and the themes of making room for joy, standing up for yourself, and the value community are heartfelt, impactful, and well-done!
You can feel the passion and love poured into the show, and the concept is novel despite its simplicity. A fun, colorful, bright, and joyful zombie anime is genius! It's such a great twist on the genre that paves the way for stories that other zombie media just can't tell with their grim and dark tones.
Zom 100 isn't perfect, but I'm really glad it exists and I hope it's audience continues to find it! (I'm aware that it made the rounds after it's first episode and the last three episodes were the only ones particularly egregiously affected by the production issues in the form of a lengthy delay, but my point still stands 😅)
#zom 100 is the perfect kind of show for me to want to ramble endlessly about#it's that solid 8.5 to 9 out of 10 that's flawed yet compelling and full of heart that leaves me frothing at the mouth with tons of thought#the sheer depth of emotion (even when it's simple and straightforward) is so compelling and engaging that i can't help but be pulled in#it just has this magnetic charm about#but also enough flaws that i could talk about improvements i would make#or i could rage about the heteronormativity of it all and despair about the loss of an akira and kencho romance#or i could complain about the outfit choices for the female characters for obvious reasons 😅#or i could gush about the energetic and unique and upbeat soundtrack#or i could ramble about the fucking tour de force that was the first episodes and the narrative follow ups episodes that deal with akira's-#boss#because that its an absolutely phenomenal portrayal#anyway i need to go do something else instead of yelling into the void 😅#zom 100: bucket list of the dead#zom 100: zombie ni naru made ni shitai 100 no koto#zom 100
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thinking about nora again
#fallout#okay first of all her full maiden name is lenore dubrovhsky#she's somehow related to the russian diplomat who is the grandfather of natalia dubrovhsky#maybe his niece? idk but she immigrated to the us after meeting nate during his tour because she claimed she was IN LOVE#i imagine she was in her late teens and nate was in his early 20s#and she falls for him and he promises he'll help her with going to college in the US and they'll have an equal marriage yadda yadda#so they get married and nora becomes a lawyer#so they've been married around seven years and she's doing her training as a legal secretary when oops! she becomes pregnant#(nate sabotaged her birth control but shhh she doesn't know that)#so nate persuades her into putting her career on hold just for a little while until they can start putting their son in daycare#(shaun takes heavily after nora's side of the family to the point nate jokes about whether his DNA had any say at all)#(he also later joins the army and dies in action)#so nora's being kept at home all the time. taking care of the kid. cooking all the meals. cleaning the house. barely any time for herself#and she gets so frazzled she gets into a minor car accident while taking shaun home from the doctor#nate freaks out and confiscates her car keys so now she can barely get out of the house without him on her arm#barely any adult social interaction and any family she could have had keeping her company was all the way over in russia#so she has a quickie with a door-to-door salesman and when her next kid pops out with red hair#the lack of resemblance to nate stops being funny#he agrees not to leave her but says he can't trust her at home alone anymore so he gets her a job at shaun's elementary school as a teacher#this happened around when shaun was 11 and he's harbored a hatred for his mom and his sister ever since#nate promised to raise the girl like his own but he's distant with her which rubbed off on shaun#so the girl. i'm calling her annabelle. TOTAL mommy's girl. wants to be just like her#so when shaun's seventeen he fakes his enlistment papers so he can be enlisted early and dies in combat#i imagine nora misses the baby boy she raised and is utterly upset he turned out this way#and by 'this way' i mean i imagine him as a patriotic misogynist and nora does not hold kind feelings towards the US for various reasons#nate was proud of his son for dying for a cause he believed in#so when annabelle's six nora gets pregnant again and that's when i imagine the bombs drop#the school nora works for is a really privileged private school (nate comes from old money) and that's where the cryo pods come in!#i imagine it would be like a 'saving america's youth for a brighter tomorrow' thing idk#also the day the bombs dropped nora killed nate before heading off to work. woulda been totally caught had the bombs not dropped HEYOOOO
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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While I don't know much about it, I would probably bet there are tons of issues with the cruise industry that would make me not actually appreciate it broadly speaking - HOWEVER, I do really love a lot of the interior design of some cruise ships.. How it's almost like a miniature city crammed into one area. Multiple sections with all different aesthetic designs, a variety of shops, restaurants, activity centers, community seating areas, communal use spaces (like gyms, laundry, pools, cafeteria/buffet (which I always love anywhere)), etc. etc. but then also everyone has a little nice clean comfortable looking space of their own to retreat back to if they'd like to be alone. Maybe it's something akin to the idea of 'walkable cities', where everything you could ever want to do is kind of right there just a short walk away? I also especially love how so much stuff is stacked on top of other stuff, a layered cluster of spaces, bright open atriums, and when they're set up with little walkways down the center between a bunch of rooms so it's almost like a mini city street with apartments lining it, etc.. They often seem like they'd be SUCH a cool place to live permanently, IF only something identical was just built on solid land instead lol
#currently watching a channel on youtube where some person is reviews/tours cruise ships or something#and I'm just like wow the whole traveling part would be miserable hell and I would hate trying to get off of the stupid ship everyday#and see seomthing and make it back in time or etc. but OOOOO THE BEDROOMS! love the TINY minifrige!! eeee .. lol#perhaps just an extension of of my obsession with communal spaces. also love hospitals. nursing homes. hotels. AIRPORTS!!!#thats just how humans are meant to live for me. my ideal situation is that sot of thing like big beautiful bright communal places#but i also hate socializing i just like the idea of like. the entire communal world is in front of me but i also have my own little space t#retreat back to. youre not forced to participate. but the world is right outside your window if you WANT to go. ALSO people watching is fun#Plus i think part of what i hate most about Going Places and Doing Things is the commitment of it and traveling#especially in america where its like to get ANYWHERE it's a 3 hour drive or 15 min drive#or 20 min drive or 1 hr bus ride or blah blah. the idea of having plenty of fun little things to do that are all solidified#in ONE single complex that is also where your room is would actually encourage me to do things more because if#my health issues start flaring up or i get overwhelmed or etc. i can literally just... retreat back to my room that is a reasonably short#walk away. instead of like ''UGH now not only do i feel too bad to finish my excursion but ALSO i have a 40 min car ride ahead of me''#etc. Not saying that even in that situation I would become Super Extravert Thing Doer like i still LOOVE a quiet lifestyle mostly alone do#ing the same 5 repetitive tasks over & over again working on specific hobbies. but just that i WOULD go out SLIGHTLY more and do Activities#if the activities were already brought to ME. like a cruise ship layout where you have your little room private space but when you feel#like it on your own terms you could venture out and go to a little cafe or a swimming pool or etc. WITHOUT even having to leave#or get in a car and travel. just walk form your room to The thing. amazing.. ground breaking.. BUT especially the layers are important. I#dont mean just 'have the same features but in a way that theyre on land' I mean LITERALLY translate the EXACT layout of the cruise ship but#on ground instead. Like I want a full community cafeteria on the middle floor of my apartment complex. there should be a pool & waterslide#on the roof. A community games room on the 4th floor. a library right under my bedroom. etc. etc. Though maybe ideally I would say#add a little extra space like most people couldn't live their entire lives in a cruise ship room layout. But maybe just have the rooms expa#nded to the average size of like a 3 bedroom apartment. and then still stack them on top of each other.. More spacious decks so people can#have some plants (but also a community garden somewhere too). ANYWAY... Idk I just always love the aesthetics. I would love to tour a cruis#ship but like NOT go on a cruise EVER lol.. but just.. SEE the space. I love interiors so much. Also makes me think of worldbuilding like.#I think cruise ships could also be good inspiration for underground stacked cities in layers. things like that. OR just actually the fant#asy world version of a cruise ship lol. Though Nanyevimi's oceans are all so treacherous that non-inland water travel is avoided as much as#possible (even if it's more tedious to travel on the land) and would rarely be done for leisure. still.. river cruises could exist.. >:3c#In Nanyevimi the oceans are akin to how Outer Space is on earth (seen as a mysterious unexplored dangerous area etc).. a cruise ship of#rich elves setting out on a Groundbreaking First Ever Ocean Cruise & it just goes Wrong like a sci-fi 'trapped in space' type thriller LOL
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#I have thoughts about the new tour yet I am not sure if I should share (given why I do so in tags)#I am not surprised to see denmark is absent#I am a bit surprised to see no scandinavian country AT ALL#not surprised to see germany and the uk have most dates (that's sadly something I've seen a lot from bands/artists I like)#a little befundled with the route he has scheduled for both germany and the uk dates#glad to see other countries like switzerland france and the netherlands get their debut#not surprised it is in october since that seems to be around the same time for his europe antics last year as well#all this said I am a bit conflicted what to do myself#I'd like to go to gigs on this tour#yet I've already run out of the country four times these past upcoming five months (three times to finland)#since it is quite expensive and maybe not something I will have time for given I hopefully get an internship in august#with that in mind I feel like I should probably go for only a few dates#and yet last time I felt very much like I was missing out and overlooked because I didn't go to “more than two shows”#and here is where I feel like my thoughts are probably not great#i was thinking about maybe going for hamburg as first priority since it is the closest (4 hours in train)#then have frankfurt and munich as second priorities making it a little mini tour#I am not sure if I'd physically and mentally be able to do more than three gigs in a row#yet if I am I sort of want to go to zurich too because I've never been there#two days to decide is not very long#I feel very stressed tbh#and I hope noone will take this in any wrong way#please I really dont want to feel shit again#I know my last concert related take was on the fence#(even though as it turned out the venue did worse than me in that regard)#but this one is really just me thinking about what would be the smartest plan#other possible options would be to go for zurich since it is in a weekend (sunday) and then - depending on whether or not I have work#either go home or follow jere to amsterdam (then maybe paris and brussels)#another option is berlin then hamburg and then to home from there (so two shows)#or london and bristol since its the weekend (maybe manchester as well if it is not far - so up to three shows)#the latter I am a bit concerned about since being trans in the uk is not great atm
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see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place
#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd#but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well#just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well#which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out#which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore#its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi#see the other thing is#if i talk about my mental health at all#people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint#or feel sorry for me which i also dont want#all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all#like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff#i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly#im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares#i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to#and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one#they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored#im losing my mind steadily#and thats not even onto the physical problems#but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying#‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket#if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your#fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces#sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues#but then i talk to other women and it is#it just doesnt make sense and i hate it#but i never rly got help on private insurance either so#tbd#depression cw
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Someone calling Miles “Miley” as a joke once but he realizes he likes the ambiguity over whether or not it’s a cutesy/teasing nickname for the more masculine sounding “Miles” or straight up just a new feminine name that he wouldn’t mind being called for the rest of his life
#i’ve got a headache from how long this thought has kept me up#because like. Ooooug (turns into a fist sized onion and never turns back)#he doesn’t look like a miley and i can’t even think of a new name for him because i just know he wouldn’t go to that point he likes his+#name and would feel wrong with anything different that’s why gender is so interesting it’s what you make it im going to DIE FOREVER#I JUST WANT TO PROTECT HER AND KNOW HER STORY AND MAKE HER STORY AND SHOW THE WORLD#BUT IM SOOOOO SCARED. LIKE I KNOW PEOPLE OUT THERE HAVE THE SAME THOUGHTS#AND TOURE NEBER GONNA FIND THE RIGHT PEOPLE IF YOURE SCARED TO SPEAK HONESTLY BUT IM JSUTS O#actually ignore all that bullshit its tumblr 😭😭 almost forgot where i was lmaoooo#cures silly fear in 3 seconds#miles morales#spiderman#spider man#transfem miles
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